Feeling trapped
(Foreword: I remember this by its emotional connection. The profanity is a device used to depict that intensity of my thoughts and feelings at the time. This is not a pleasant memory.)
Now I'm on my back. My body feels like it's wrong or needs something? No there's nothing wrong with me! I'm unable to move it properly and this I know somehow. My legs should be much longer as well as my arms. My body feels useless. I feel trapped in a helpless tiny suit. Looking out into an alien world there's a Man's face. By my own powers I know the difference between Males and Females. I vaguely recognize the man as someone I see often but I do not know who he is.
He's staring at me as I lie on my back unable to move myself. Why is staring at me? Why is he looking away now?! Help me! I can't fucking move, dickhead! You're a fucking asshole! I don't like you, dude. What the FUCK?!! I should be able to be doing a whole LOT MORE!! I shouldn't be stuck like this! Ouch my neck you fucker! If you're going to pick me up without asking do it right! I don't like that guy one bit. He leaves me face down now. What the fuck are you doing? Pick me up right now you fuck! Don't leave me like this! I want to look up! I want to see shit!
I can't see anything except the surface I'm face down on. My arms won't even move right so I can't push myself up. They're not the right size shape or strong enough to manipulate myself! I don't know what to do with my misshapen limbs. How long have I been like this? This mutant bodycase will be my prison. I need this. I like this. I love the floor. It's clean. It's cool and smooth. I have to adapt. Maybe this will last forever.
What if it doesn't? Am I allowed to ask to be able to look up? I can't say my words. My mouth doesn't do what it's supposed to. I can't make the right words. I'm not even saying real words! What language do you speak, sir? Tell me now and tell me everything so that I can communicate clearly with you. I want to tell you so many things about how you need to fucking check your conduct toward others. You're a fucking asshole. Put me on the floor face down where I belong; I don't want to look at you. You're mean to me leaving me alone on the floor unable to move or do anything!
Did you cause all of this to happen to me? Can you make it stop or change? I want something different. I don't need to be in this little garbage-ass 'mechsuit'. Why is this happening? Are you the king in charge of reality and gravity and nature? Will you please help me? You're useless! Where is the Woman? She's only slightly less useless!
I'll do everything myself ...when I'm fucking good and ready ...on my time ...at my pace ...when I so choose ...by my powers! ...so that others will not suffer this way. I will not torture anyone this way.
Posted By: Francis L.
29, Colorado 2017